Saturday, January 26, 2013

Sort of broken...

I have not blogged all week.   I just couldn't.   I have been in the weirdest mood. I am just sort of broken right now.    First,  my mom had a heart attack.   She had a heart attack last Friday.   She is doing well,  she is already home from the hospital and feeling pretty good but she is in Michigan and I am in Texas and I feel awful and sad about it.   Sometimes living this far away sucks - a lot.   I just want to see for myself that she is doing okay,  but right now I can't get there - so I am stuck in this weird place feeling guilty and sad and just kind of yuck.

And then we got our annual notice for Grant's ARD - Texas acronym for special ed meeting.    Which I expected.   I knew it was coming but still even now,   I HATE it.   In case you have ever wondered what it feels like to sit in your child's IEP meeting... it feels being naked in a room full of people as they list everything that is wrong with you.  And even though you know everything already and were probably even a harsher critic than they are,  it is nauseating.  I have to say,  my child has the MOST AMAZING team of teachers,  administrators, therapists in the world.   They are supportive, loving,  professional,  AMAZING.   I know they work so hard,  I know they love my child.   I know we are blessed.   I know, I know, I know,  but still it freaking hurts.  I know we need to start thinking about "life planning" (even though he is only in first grade),  I hate the idea of it.  I love my child.   I love him exactly how God made him.   But still... somewhere in my irrational little heart,   I am broken thinking about what his future will entail,  what he will not be able to do, or experience.   I still hope that he will "get better".   He has done so many things that the doctors have said he couldn't do,   I just keep hoping.   I have to, right?   I am his mom,  I have to keep believing in him and all he will be able to do.   But once a year,  I have to discuss the reality of it in a big room full of wonderful people, and it is awful.   It takes everything I have to keep it together.  In fact,  I cry at other people's ARD meetings.   And I get why parents don't show up.   It's too much sometimes.   I think being on the other side of the table gives me a completely different perspective for the families of the students we serve.

Here is my little booger delivering popcorn to the teachers and students at his school.   His amazing teachers do this with the kids each Friday to teach them real world skills.   He loves it! Look at his smile!   We are blessed.   I just need to get through the meeting. 
This week in class we started my Snow Unit -  We have had a great time learning about Snowflake Bentley.   My class is incredible and they have had a great time comparing him to people like Amelia Earhart and George Washington Carver - because they all had perseverance.   I love them.   We loved making snowflakes and drawing the other half of snowflakes in the Snowflake Symmetry pages.   We are will be working on Cynthia Rylant's Snow book next week and writing poetry.  I can't wait to see what they come up with.


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  1. Hi Heidi!!
    Just stopping by to send a hug your way!! So sorry to hear about your mom and I am glad she is doing better. I live faraway from my mom too so I do understand. Your little guy is adorable. GOD holds the plan to our futures not man! Be encouraged, and speak life over his situation, speak into existence what you want for him and it shall come to pass!! GOD bless you and your family
    Ms. Jones’ Junction

  2. Please send along my wishes for quick recovery to your mother. I know how you feel. My mom lives in Minnesota, and I live in New York. A couple years ago she slipped on the ice and shattered her ankle, she had to go in to emergency surgery and the recovery was long and hard and I couldn't be there with her. You're so right, sometimes it really sucks being so far away. Again, please send these healing wishes to your mother.

    Tanya ☺
    First Grade is Fantabulous!

  3. Sending you huge! I completely understand and I never thought of IEP's like that. It sure puts things in perspective for me. I can tell from your posts you are not only an amazing teacher, but also a great mom. Keep it up! :)

    I also love how you are using Snokflake Bently and using a character trait to compare him to other revolutionaries! That's where I am going in my next unit in 4th grade!

    Pinkadots Elementary

  4. Thank you so much Theresa and Tanya!